Only In An Abusive Culture
Recently we attended a weekend Internet conference.
As Judith and I settled in on the first day we were looking forward to what we were about to learn.
The first person up, the conference organizer, began with aggressive intensity telling us that if we couldn’t take the heat we should leave the room. And after that the door was going to be locked.
“This information is too valuable and too powerful for anyone who can’t handle it.”
Judith and I were really put off but I figured it was just bravado, trying to be impressive and macho tough. Well, I was wrong.
The next speaker up, the headliner, a man who has generated millions, made the conference organizer look like a pantywaist.
We decided to emotionally dis-engage and take notes on what was happening so we could have a personal case study of hard-sell marketing.
Here’s a sample of how he treated the audience.
In the first 15 minutes he said, at least three times, that if we couldn’t take him “telling [us] like it is. Like it really is!” we were:
Pathetic
Losers
Just plain forgettable.
After which he would say some form of:
“If you don’t like what I’m saying, get over yourself. And if you can’t, if you’re a touchy-feely type, then have the guts to just get up and leave the room.”
And what seemed to be his triumphant pronouncement — he blared loudly:
“Most of you don’t have the nerve to change.”
Judith and I left.
Leaving had nothing to do with guts. It had everything to do with deciding that we would no longer be in the presence of such abuse.
As Judith has said, “If our culture were not so accustomed to abuse, that guy could never succeed. Sadly, it is and he does.”
But not with our participation.
Soft Sell marketing takes as a fundamental principle that prospects, clients, and customers are not things to be manipulated, but human beings to be treated with respect and care.
It doesn’t matter how much money the headliner made. If he treats me as though I am a thing whose sole purpose in life is to service his needs and desires then what he has to show me is destructive—to me and to humanity in general.
So, because you are a Soft Sell marketer, a person for whom being a whole person is core to how you live your life and you value that core in the lives of others, selling as spiritual service means you’re not in service to your own ego.
That doesn’t mean you disappear yourself in a marketing or sales transaction. Not at all. If you don’t calculate your needs and desires into an exchange, you are abusing yourself. You are not valuing your participation equally with your buyer’s.
But, since being treated as a whole person is central to you and how you view your prospect or customer, than you are guided by one of the deepest values in the Soft Sell approach— co-creation.
Selling and buying truly is a co-created partnership (please see the post of July 6). Only the inveterate narcissist experiences life as though he goes it alone—which is patently false.
As a Soft Sell marketer we are keenly aware that the other person is an other person—whose dreams and goals are as important to him/her as your’s is to you. Living within that reality, that mindset, reduces if not eliminates the chance of treating the other person as an object.
That’s why our pledge is—marketing with consciousness and conscience—
** awareness of the human community within which we live, and
** accepting responsibility for how we live within that community.
And we’re so glad that you are part of our community!
Because It’s All in the Connection,
Jim
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July 7th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Amen! And good for you for walking out!
Thanks for all you guys do…
July 7th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Thanks for your comment, Emily. And thanks for your appreciation. We hope we are role models for those who want to walk out and not feel guilty or self-conscious.
July 13th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Hey Jim,
There are several people I can’t listen to, and it’s hard to figure it out in time. I remember the most freeing thing I learned in seminary was taught by my liturgy teacher who suggested it was far better to leave church than to stay and be beaten up by what was being said. it’s such a novel idea, however, to remember “wow, i could leave!”
but it’s so great that you are modeling not only the self-esteem which has no interest in being talked to that way, but also the work the two of you do, steadily, strongly, yet gently to move forward.
i’m grateful to be in a position to observe, learn and put to use all that you teach.
hugs all around!
ann
July 14th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Thanks Judith and Jim for this boost to me to unsubscribe to a couple of Internet Marketers that I have been receiving email from for a while now. I just do not like their brazen approach and high pressure tactics.
I check out many of the things you have on your web site and in your emails and I really like your approach. Having just come into the business of marketing our book that we have just produced and published, I am anxious to learn as much as possible and I try to emulate the people whose direction I enjoy myself. We never want to pressure anyone into the sale, but hope that women find the web site from reading the reviews that are just starting or from looking for advice about cars. Since we have a very different book out there than anything else on the market, we want to use a straight forward approach and never be derisive or pushy in the sale. We want it to stand on its own merits.
Thanks for giving me the incentive I need to unsubscribe to those Internet Marketers whose approach is very like the one you describe from the conference you were on.
Susan@CarAdviceForWomen.com
July 14th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Susan,
We’re glad to have provided the boost.
There are two points in your email I want to comment on. You wrote:
1) ” . . . hope that women find the web site from reading the reviews that are just starting . . .”
2) “We want it to stand on its own merits.”
We respect and support your desire to never be derisive or pushy. That’s how we function.
However, you will have to promote and publicize your book. Having four books on the market, very very good books, we still have to make people aware that our books exist.
We’ve had stellar reviews, and pretty good word of mouth, but the most important component has been marketing and promotion.
Also it’s critical to understand that no matter the value of your information in your book, you still have to let people know about it and often have to point it out so they don’t miss it.
All of us have lives we are preoccupied with, and you, as a marketer, have to break through that preoccupation even to tell me about something I need — even desperately need.
The point is — how do you go about getting my attention? You don’t have to be aggressive or brutal. You need to be persuasive and convincing but not badgering or belittling.
And, finally, please don’t “hope” they find your site. Design a compelling marketing campaign to attract those who need what you offer, and then be sure not to back away from selling them on the value of your product.
After all, you believe in it. You should have no problem letting the world know about what you have. And no problem leading them to buy your book.
Take much more authority and control over shining the best light possible on your book. In other words, help your potential readers realize what you have and want to read it.
Take it from Judith and me, the greatest book will fall short of its potential if it is not passionately and persuasively marketed.
Jim
http://www.bridgingheartandmarketing.com
July 14th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Thanks, Ann.
We were really touched and gratified by what you wrote: “i’m grateful to be in a position to observe, learn and put to use all that you teach.”
You deepen the worth doing what we do delivers.
Judith & Jim
July 14th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Thanks for the comment back Jim.
We have been doing an email campaign for a couple of weeks now to all of the people I know through my connections personally and through my previous career as well as people in the professional organizations that I belong to. I am now launching into Library contacts because Car Advice For Women (and Smart Men) is most certainly a book that they need to carry. We have been honing our letters and Press Releases to capture the essence that it is a car owners’ guide and not just another car buying guide. So I am constantly looking at various emails that come from you and other marketers to emulate how you approach the marketing.
I am finding the Libraries so far a hard nut to crack. In Canada I have access to all Libraries in each city/town so I can contact them directly and I am looking to find the same kind of list for the US. So far, that has eluded me, but I am continuing the search.
I appreciate your comments and please know that I am not just sitting here hoping that people will stumble on the web site. We are marketing it and continually trying to find a good mix of methods. We have already done a radio interview and we are approaching video/TV shortly.
Thanks again and I wish you and Judith continued success in all of your ventures.
Susan@CarAdviceForWomen.com
July 14th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Bravo, Susan.
I commented because many Soft Sell marketers do fall into the trap of wanting their work to succeed strictly on its merits (Judith & I were no exceptions). The quality of a piece of work will give it longevity, but it’s initial appearance before the public is most predictably the result of a clear, consistent, and convincing marketing campaign.
Jim