That’s the way entrepreneurs, product creators, and corporations operate. But this implies a passive consumer who waits for his/her need to be fulfilled.

Often the “need” that is “found” and “filled” is one that has been created by the supplier — truly a created demand filled by a created supply.

For example, have you ever seen the commercial for Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS).  That “syndrome” occurs when someone’s leg bounces up and down at the knee.

Have you ever been at a meeting or on a date that was completely uninteresting  but you stayed — perhaps  out of a desire to be polite or perhaps you were compelled to stay for business reasons –  and your leg bounced out of boredom or frustration?

Well, that’s Restless Leg Syndrome and the pharmaceutical industry has a medication invented just for you and your “malady.”

BUT . . . what would happen if you, the customer/consumer, were to become proactive — that is, what if you and those like you got together, literally or energetically, and proactively demanded particular kinds of products:

• more free range chicken and wild salmon
• hybrid cars
• homeopathic supplements

and the producers were morally and financially compelled to provide them.

That would turn supply and demand into demand and supply.  You, the buying public, would not be merely a group of passive consumers but actual leaders in what is brought to the marketplace. You would be conscious consumers at the creation end of the process rather than just passive consumers at the consumption end.

So rather than “Find a need and fill it” the maxim would change to “We have a need and expect it to be fulfilled.”

Then the buyer and seller would become partners in the co-creation of the economy.

Because It’s All in the Connection.

Judith & Jim

Entrainment

Entrainment is a term being used in brain science, as well as in physics, biology, and psychology. Technically, it means that when two systems become synchronized and operate at the same frequency they are locked-in together to create a positive condition in which they are mutually supportive. Brainwave entrainment has been noted or used in one form or another for centuries, from Shamanistic societies’ use of drum beats to Ptolemy noting in 200 A.D. the effects of flickering sunlight generated by a spinning wheel (the modern day strobe light). One of the most vivid examples of entrainment between two people happens when they fall in love. They feel as though and everybody says “They have become as one.” On the other hand negative conditions producing negative emotions such as anger, coercion, manipulation, disrespect and domination create incoherence and disharmony resulting in the wide range of conflicts we humans witness and experience every day. Deadly Embrace There is a condition in the mainframe computer world called a “deadly embrace.” This is a condition that arises when two (or more) separately active processes, like two software programs, interfere with each other in such a way that the network as a whole eventually cannot proceed. It becomes deadlocked. Outside the computer world, deadly embraces range from irreconcilable differences all the way to war — conditions of incoherence and disharmony to be sure. So what does all of this have to do with Soft Sell entrainment, hard sell, and buyer/seller identification? In Soft Sell, entrainment and buyer/seller identification are the two faces of the same process. We’ve written about the fact that the best of all marketing and sales campaigns succeed when they achieve “buyer/seller identification.” When you, as the buyer, see the seller’s offer/product as so fitting, so apt and appropriate to your needs, it feels like the seller really, really knows you. The seller has been through what you’re going through, understands your needs from the inside out, and you feel a conscious or unconscious oneness that makes the offer irresistible. That’s identification. Yes, things can go wrong from that point, but if nothing disturbs the entrainment, the sale is done. A positive, mutually supportive condition occurs filled with transparency and good feelings and the relationship may last a very long time. Most people experience hard sell as something akin to the deadly embrace. When urgency and scarcity are stirred by the mix of the hard seller’s aggressive and often covert persuasion tactics and the buyer’s need, especially when that need is pressing, a kind of negative entrainment, a deadly embrace takes hold. There isn’t enough to go around – scarcity for the seller who is embedded in a world of lack, and scarcity for the buyer whose need is intensified because of the lack. The sale may take place, but both sides are wounded as a result, which just expands and extends the scarcity, because such a sale is never truly satisfying. Identification, in this case, arises from the mutual experience of lack, producing an “I’ll get mine” mentality leading to the minimization or even absence of care for the other party involved. “Dog eat dog,” “survival of the fittest,” “it’s all about number 1,” are common phrases that reflect the desperation of this environment of lack. Why Soft Sell? That’s why a Soft Sell,  caring approach to marketing and selling is needed to create a buffer – certainly not an infallible one – but a buffer between a kneejerk, or rather a “ brain jerk,” unconscious reaction and a decision that is considered and thought through on both sides of the transaction. This is better for both the seller and the buyer and the marketplace as a whole. Because It’s All in the Connection, Judith & Jim

There is a Buddhist teaching that reads:  Have Good Heart.

Following it opens the the way to real and abiding healing.

We ask Soft Sell marketers to:  Do No Harm. 

Following this recommendation opens the way for healing in the marketplace.

Because It REALLY IS All in the Connection,

And that’s The Heart of Marketing.

Judith &  Jim

No business runs without challenges.

And certainly an online business offers even more than its share – both internal and external. But an emotionally and financially rewarding shift takes place when you change your mindset to see your business online as a form of spiritual therapy.

The internal challenges — everything that rattles and challenges who you’ve been and how you experience and understand yourself.

Even if you’re fairly savvy in the world of business, due to the volatile nature of doing business online there can be even more radical

• wake-up calls
• major melt-downs
• leaps to success

just to name a few of the “adventures” that can leave you dazed and sleepless.

The external challenges — everything that comes at you from the outside world like all that Internet technology to manage and master.

There are those affiliates and joint venture partners who

• let you down
• don’t send out for you,
• may even refuse to pay you the affiliate commissions due to you for your good efforts on their behalf.

As a Heart-based, Soft Sell Marketer, have you tried to avoid developing the thick skin that allows Hard Sell marketers to disregard their conscience as you watch them make huge deposits generated from their online business accounts?

Instead, if anything, you may think you’re too thin skinned, and maybe you’ve even been told that “You’re kind of sensitivity wont’ work in business.” We have.

Well, you’re NOT too sensitive.

You are a wonderfully feeling-filled human who knows you are connected to all of life, and you ARE sensitive to what happens to your customers and to yourself.

That’s why it’s extremely powerful to understand your online business as a kind of spiritual therapy. Because that helps you respect and learn from every disorienting and disheartening experience you have — and this is not always easy.

We have, and more and more we feel those dark times as blessings for our spiritual growth and awakening. It takes practice, but you can too.

That way you build your business while you grow your Self, because your business and your Self are reflections of each other.

Because It’s All in the Connections,

Judith & Jim

So in the middle of those maddening moments, listen for Your Soul’s Calling. That’s the voice to rely on.

Recently I read a blog post comparing soft sell with hard sell and the writer listed several of the many soft sell marketing misconceptions.

The Writer Wrote: “But in the race to present one’s personality to the client, it’s important to keep in mind that these soft factors are likely to result in new work only if the proposed soft sell involves something that the prospect or referral source actually believes will address a personal need. Much of the friendly, hey-I’m-really-nice marketing plans miss that mark entirely.”

This was my comment:

Misconceptions regarding soft sell have become a dime a dozen and it’s arguable they’re worth even that.

The idea that soft sell is — friendly, hey-I’m-really-nice marketing plans — would of course miss the mark. This notion arises from traditional hard sell marketers whose focus on Get The Check precludes them from really understanding the process of relationship marketing that serves the customer, serves the seller, and makes a profit.

To focus on presenting one’s personality, and under the pressure of being in a competitive race while doing it, can only be crippling, because it takes all of the real connection, the real emotion out of the process.

Presenting one’s personality is mechanical. To believe you have to present is a sure sign of insecurity and a lack of confidence that leads to thinking – “Oh I better present a good face if I’m going to make this work.” Used-car-salesman anyone?

First and foremost, clients are looking to have their problems solved – WIIFM – what’s in it for me. And yes, the best client relationships are built on a personal relationship but not at the expense of getting the job done.

Because It’s All in the Connection,

Jim

The Heart of Marketing, our #1 bestseller, will give you practical insights into how Soft Sell marketing can work for you — for your profits and your soul.

If you prefer listening over reading, simply start this audio player to hear the complete post.

Compassion and commerce may seem self-contradictory like an oxymoron: for example, “deafening silence” or “poor little rich girl.” Compassionate commerce seems to be a self-nullifying idea, at least in the way compassion and commerce have been understood and experienced.

So how can marketing and selling and compassion be a perfect self-supporting way to do business?

The definition of compassion that most people would agree with is:

A deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.

And that understanding suggests feelings like pity, charity, condolence, mercy, or sorrow.

From this point of view putting compassion and commerce in the same sentence subverts if not destroys the intention of each.

However, is there a way that compassion and commerce can be mutually supportive so that the marketplace can evolve in a more humane and loving direction?

In the Buddhist world-view compassion is based on an understanding of the relatedness of all things. Furthermore, that we are all related is also now accepted as the core reality of modern physics.

As we said in the post below, The Net of Gems, the Sanskrit term, Tat Tvam Asi, which means Thou Art That, clearly states that we are all one in relatedness.

If compassion means an awareness and appreciation of the reality that we are all related, all connected, all interdependent – and even more deeply and intimately, we are all made of the same stuff, what Carl Sagan called “Star Stuff” — then I truly am you and you truly are me.

What happens to commerce, to marketing and selling, from this point of view?

It means that if you are selling something to someone else, that other person, through our psycho-spiritual, deeply material relatedness IS YOU. Not just poetry. That person is you. Not just sentiment. That person is you.

Are we different from one another? Without a doubt. That we are all different is the signature statement of creation. But we are not separate.

The hydrogen and nitrogen present at the Big Bang, which, according to physics can neither be created nor destroyed, is IN YOU. It makes up some of who you are as it does for every other living creature on this planet (as well as that which we call non-living – rocks and clouds, etc).

So as a marketer as well as a customer, when you enter the marketplace, do you do so with an awareness of the relatedness of all things – the relationship you already and deeply have with whomever you’re doing business with?

Your awareness of and your acting from our universal relatedness IS your compassion. Not sentimentality which is always overly reactive and overly emotional, but behaving from an enlightened self-interest — not just for you as a separate individual, but you as a member of the deeply intimate reality we all share and co-create.

So compassion and commerce are not an oxymoron. They are mutually supportive, mutually appreciative, deeply connected, and mutually cognizant and alive to the reality of Tat Tvam Asi – Thou Art That.

Because It’s All in the Connection,

Judith & Jim

Come join the Soft Sell  love-based marketing evolution.  Go to “The Heart of Marketing” for our #1 bestseller as well as over 50 Free bonuses just for ordering. Thanks – J & J.

Recently I read a blog post comparing soft sell with hard sell and I thought the writer’s conclusion, although well intentioned, swerved off into a dead end.

The writer wrote: “Initially along with foremost, [sic] attempt to attract readers with a soft sell approach that offers useful, fascinating [sic] coupled with timely details. Eventually, it could lead them towards a buy decision.”

This was my response:

Your conclusion that “soft sell” leads to “eventually” takes you into a dead end.

Soft sell doesn’t mean wait forever. It means connecting emotionally with your customer, even through online marketing, and working to achieve the customer’s well-being as well as yours.

Otherwise you become the customer’s lackey which is not good for either of you.

Soft sell is a different mindset not a different strategy.

The idea that soft sell is a strategy or tactic comes from traditional hard sell marketers whose sole intention is the bottom line. A sincere desire to create a relationship as part of the sales process is incidental if not an irritation to someone whose focus is wallet-based.

But connecting with your customer or prospect in a way they can feel allows for trust and emotional safety to be created. So your focus must expand from the bottom line as your primary measure of success to include leading the customer to see the truth — which is whether or not your product or service is truly right for him/her.

This is not an “eventually” proposition. It is right here and right now. It is neither desperate nor is it surrendering the process entirely to the customer.

Your customer came to you because they needed something they could not provide for themselves alone. So you are the authority. Lead them to see what’s right for them. Sometimes it’s what you have to offer. Sometimes it’s not. But the connection you create will pay off because of your credibility and trustworthiness.

For more on Soft Sell, heart-based marketing and selling check out our #1 bestseller — The Heart of Marketing.

Because It’s all in the Connection,

Jim Sniechowski

Just like hitting the Lotto, right?

Well, actually not. In a very real way, not even close.

The truth is we all secretly long for that Prince Charming moment, especially when it comes to buying things.

Buying things? That’s right, buying things —

And that’s exactly what many marketers aim at — your longing — so they dress their offers in a Prince Charming costume and swear that what they’re telling you is real.

Okay, so what’s the big deal?

Marketers are taught to “market to the dream,” and we, Judith and I, were no different. We consciously marketed to the dream, even though that never felt really right. But we were told by the major Internet marketers, “the dream is what makes the sale.”

But just what is the dream? And why isn’t it even close to the jackpot?

It’s not close because Prince Charming is not real. And Prince Charming — that secret longing for the magic bullet, that “whatever” that will make your life work, that will eliminate the fact that you are responsible for creating your own life — that’s what the dream is really about, and that longing is hidden within every sales pitch that does not have your best interest at heart.

Because there are no saviors. There is a lot of help. Just ask and you’ll find out how eager people are to help. But save you. No. That’s your job.

Nevertheless, many marketers will craft their pitch so it hooks your dream — not for cars, houses, trips, a relationship, status, wealth — but to be saved, saved from the weight of having to make your own life work.

There are many good, really good products and services on the market, but every one of them is limited to what it can do to help you reach the goals you’ve set out for yourself. They are merely guides and tools.

Even if you have a life-changing transformation as a result of using some product or service, you did the work, you brought the transformation into being. You did it. You.

But just take even a cursory trip around the Internet and you’ll see promise after promise —  promising the moon in a minute if you’ll just buy.

So the next time you feel that pull toward some offer, check yourself out. Is it Prince Charming tugging away?

That’s a powerful tug, a sweet hopeful longing, assuring you — with a money-back guarantee, and the warning that if you don’t buy now what you want will be gone forever — that all you have to do is buy. And when you do, and we all have, instead of Prince Charming you end up with the frog, and the person who sold you the dream ends up with the cash.

Because It’s All in the Connection,

Judith & Jim

If you want a love-based Soft Sell marketing platform, just go to PlatformBonus and download yours at no cost to you.

Cathy Perkins has been our blog pro since we’ve had a blog.

And she instelled this new beautiful blog theme!

We are truly grateful because we couldn’t have, at least not at this point, installed it ourselves.

And one principle we hold true to is to give credit where it is rightly due.

So Cathy, you are a Wordpress Wizard, and we thank you.

Because It’s All in the Connection,

Judith & Jim

Last night Judith and I went to a gathering of the Las Vegas Social Register – a typical networking event where relationship marketing is the whole point.

As I was roaming around looking for the next person to speak with, I approached a woman who was wearing an American flag scarf. It turns out she was a politician running for a seat in the Nevada State Senate.

I’d never spoken to an elected politician nor anyone who was running for office so I was intrigued. I spent about twenty minutes talking with her — or rather with her talking to me.

You would think that relationship marketing would be a staple in her running-for-office tool box, but as it turned out, not so.

She told me about her 88 year-old mother, and her daughter, and that she’d lived in Las Vegas her whole life, and community was very important to her.

I told her about my father who’d worked in the Detroit factories.

After I walked away, Judith asked about my conversation and I said, “She never asked me one question. Not one.”

“What don’t you tell her that,” Judith suggested. So I did.

I returned to the senatorial hopeful and reached out with my card, which she hadn’t asked for during our 20 minute chat, and I gently said:

“Are you aware that, when we were together, you never asked me one question?”

“What?” She was clearly surprised.

“You never asked me one question.”

“I was impressed by what you told me about your father in Chicago.”

“My father never lived in Chicago. He was in Detroit.”

“Well, you know, the factories, Detroit, Chicago. I was impressed . . .”

Relationship marketing? No. Monologue marketing was more like it.

“Just remember,” I cautioned, “if you want my vote, it’d be best if you try to find out about what I need and what I think. I’m the constituent.”

She smiled awkwardly and I bid her good night.

As I walked away, her last appeal to me, albeit rather weakly, was “I hope I can still get your vote.”  

No, I don’t think so. Why?

Because It’s All in the Connection,

Jim